AWESOMELY Funny Websites (Feel Free to Suggest Additional)

When I'm feeling down, there is nothing better than an awesomely funny website to cheer me up : ) Unless of course I am getting laid ... then there IS something better. But anyway, here for you is a brief collection of a few of my favorite funny spots on the net.

You may find them rude, crude and all together inappropriate. I hope you do, for that is the reason that they so entertain me. If you don't like them, don't complain to me. I didn't make them, I just shared them.

Check them out for yourself or suggest to me additional. I can always use an extra laugh.

1. Failblog.org

2. Peopleofwalmart.com

3.Uglydress.com

4. Textsfromlastnight.com

(519): he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it

5. Fmylife.com

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

6. Someecards.com

An Attitude of Gratitude (Yes, it is as corny as it sounds)

I woke up this morning and it was FINALLY SUNNY. Well it has been for two days now but it is FINALLY SUNNY WITH NO WORK! Yay, instant happy shot.

After being lulled to sleep by the incredibly comforting (NOT) story of the Cheshire murders and being woken ten times in the night by a barking dog, my sleep was less than satisfactory. Yet, there is nothing that makes me feel better than a bright sunny day. So I was satisfied AND I had a cup of coffee waiting for me on the table from Michael. GOOD MORNING!

I have to take care of my doggie while my paarents are on a mini vacation so I dragged my butt off the couch and headed to their house approximately three minutes away (even though it feels like an eternity when I am lazy which is ALWAYS). I walked in, saw him wagging his tail with that stupid look on his face and instantly grew envious of how easy it is to be a dog. Sometimes I really wish I was born a dog. Seriously. Until I see stories like Michael Vick's I believe being a dog would be amazing.

So after I got over my envy of my dog I started contemplating. Is my life really that bad? I mean even at the worst, worst point (which there have been approximately two in recent memory that I can easily point to) was my life REALLY THAT BAD? Then I began comparing myself to the rest of the population in the United States ... and the world ... and I came up with some points.

Point A: I have a place to live. In fact, I technically have two, and endless options were those not readily available to me because ... this brings me to Point B ... I have a job.

Point B: I have a job. Yea, it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life and yes, sometimes it is frustrating, irritating and unsatisfactory but SERIOUSLY who the EFF am I? I HAVE A JOB. Look around yourself Liz, you are better off than a good percent of the population. Sometimes I just want to smack myself.

Point C: I have food. Too much food. I need to stop gaining weight.

Point D: I have people who love me ... and good friends. I came home and talked to Michael before he went out to work and he told me about someone who is close to him who feels they cannot confide in their friends. Ouch. I actually hurt for them because I am so BLESSED. I have the best, best friends a person could ever ask for.

Who can say they have not ONE

Not TWO

but THREE BEST FRIENDS

Not many people can say that, let me tell you. But I can. And even when those best friends are going through tough times and I am left all alone, I have countless other people I can rely on. Some people have no one.

I can go on all the way to Point Z but since I am lazy I will just leave it there and reference this post when I am being a grouchy little bitch, like I was being last night.

Now off to return things at Kohl's, do some weekend work and buy a pumpkin ... or just sit on the couch, we'll see : )

Im not saying NO to that project ...

This task was especially difficult for me judging from the fact that one of my favorite statements is "no" followed by "don't," "I'm not," and "I can't."

I am pretty sure my place of employment has attempted to train me out of this incredibly poor habit for at least six months and kudos to them, they have done a better job at it than anyone ever has. Yet, still, my low self esteem (I will willingly admit that in this case) still tells me I cannot do things to the capacity that other people can. For instance, anything mathamatical, anything that includes following a recipe and anything that does not include someone being right there to ask an immediate question to.

BUT because this was don't say "no" day, I decided to take the challenge. And I was at work. Yes, this spelled trouble.

Of course, today was the day that my president came to me and told me that I was going to help him by trying to sell a list of mailing equipment to unknown mailing equipment buyers (by the way, I work for a copier sales company, in case  you didn't know). Now I don't know the FIRST thing about mailing equipment. Seriously. Shit is FOREIGN. HOWEVER, I couldn't say no. Not only because it was don't say no day but because it was my president.

So, I took the challenge, spent an entire day sending out emails to contacts I hoped were correct and developing an email list for future deals.

AND GUESS WHAT? I got responses of people interested. Of course, they wanted pictures which I did not have.

Email chain:

Customer: Do you have pictures?
Me: I am working on getting them.

Please note, I DID NOT SAY NO! Crazy-ness, pure crazy-ness.

Somewhere mid afternoon when most of the frustration wore off something clicked. I realized if I just stopped saying no ... or more like stopped doubting myself all together ... I could really open up opportunities to myself. I mean think about it, if that equipment sells for $20,000 and we buy it for $15,000 I just made the company $5,000 AND I could open up a whole new aspect of the business.

Maybe that won't happen, potentially it will fall through, but if I said no, I wouldn't even have the chance to develop something new.

So lesson learned, take on new things and conquer the fear. I've let fear rule for far too long. It's time to let a little faith in.

An AWESOME Dedication

I want to dedicate this post and these few days that I did not take any "awesome" actions (Sunday and today) to one of the most awesome people I have ever had the gift of knowing: Kelly Castaldi.

One year ago (technically tomorrow) we lost one of the funniest, sweetest and craziest girls I have ever had the gift of knowing. May she always rest in peace and look after each of us here on earth. I know she has given me more gifts than I can believe.

I hope you are doing your crazy dance up in heaven Kellz. I'm still down here shaving my big toe, laughing at Johnny Rockets (look, no hands!), and getting some tail tonight : )  I'm gonna smoke a cigarette to you cuz I know you loved the smell. Hope you can smell it in heaven.

Missing you always. 10.5.09 <3

Compliment Everyone (I Like)!

Unfortunately I am incredibly late on updating this but as one of my favorite mottoes states, "better late than never," so here I go.

I performed the task of "compliment everyone" on Saturday. Because I am still me (and I will NEVER conform, let's be honest) I took it to mean "compliment everyone YOU KNOW." Not sure if that is how it is supposed to go but that's how I wanted it to go, especially since I spent the day at the mall shopping for a JWOWW / SNOOKIE costume with my best friend in life. I mean really, what was I supposed to do? Go up to random hoodlums with illegitimate children and tell them their babies are cute? Not gonna happen.

I began the day as I begin each day, waking up to Mr. Michael Brian who is just as cute as can be and telling him so. I guess you could consider this a compliment but I do it all of the time no matter what the day. I probably said fifteen ridiculously sweet / disgustingly couple-ish "compliments" within the first half hour of me being awake. As far as I remember we spent the day together until Steph came over. My memory is that shot.

When she got here, we took off to go shopping for our epic AWESOME Halloween costumes. Seriously, I should dedicate an ENTIRE blog just to how awesome our costumes are. Since I won't subject you to a complete entry just about that, I will include it right here.

Dress

http://www.wetseal.com/catalog/product.jsp?categoryId=104&productId=38476&color=null&altImageId=1

Wig

Sunglasses

Yes, you have the right to remain jealous.

But back to complimenting other people besides myself (if I must). While I got all snookie-fied, Steph got into her crazy JWOWW costume, aka: strips of fabric somehow put together just covering her boobs.

Here is where the compliment came in.

Stephanie has lost so much weight. When I say SO MUCH I mean like fifty pounds. Literally. So of course when she started whining about looking fat in her JWOWW costume I could HONESTLY say to her, "you don't look fat, you look mad hot." I emphasize honestly because there was a vow somewhere in the last few months that stated I had to tell her if she got fat (again) and she had to tell me if my boyfriend was wierd (again). We have each other's backs like that.

I personally felt it was a successful complimenting day based solely on the fact that I complimented two of the people I love the most in the world AND I succeeded in not ripping someone's head off when (a) the credit card machine went down in wet seal and I had to pay with the twenty I specifically took out for my fountain sodas during the week, (b) the kid in the Halloween store told me I could not take the wigs out and look at them even though they wanted to charge twenty dollars a pop, and (c) I was going through severe nicotine withdrawal in a hot mall with half of the hood around me.

In conclusion, a pat on the back for me, a pass for all of the people I should have and wanted to bitch out and a big I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE CUTE, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE AMAZING AND YOU'RE AWESOME to the people that make my life complete : )

Day Three (Kinda) Of Awesomeness

DAY THREE OF AWESOMENESS: Three RANDOM Acts of Kindness

Yesterday I was feeling less than awesome and incredibly mean. Combine those two together and you sure as hell were not going to get one single act of kindness from me, not to mention a blog entry. Therefore, considering I have already started this thing cheating by combining Day One and Day Two, I decided TODAY is Day Three.

From here on out I will try to do this the "RIGHT" way. Maybe.

So commence the kindness!

I woke up this morning to another monsoon coming from the sky. Apparently according to the ass backwards state I live in, enough to DELAY school. For RAIN. We sure as hell didn't have that when we were kids ...

Anyway, after I brushed away my bitterness at the hour of traffic ahead and the little kiddies who get to sleep in I charged out into the deluge to being my Friday (TGIF!). To begin my day as I usually do I stopped to get a cup of coffee. Part of the reason my awesomeness was not in action yesterday was because I skipped this integral part of my a.m. routine. This morning I vowed that I absolutely did not care if I was late I was getting my cup of Joe AND doing a good deed in the process.



NUMERO UNO: DRIVE THROUGH KINDNESS

I pulled in to Dunkin D's with the sheets of rain plummeting off my windshield and waited in the drive through line with growing anticipation of who was going to pull in behind me and be the lucky recipient of my benevolence. Shortly later, a tan car took the spot. I ordered the usual french vanilla light and sweet. When I pulled up to the drive through I told the girl not only to charge mine but charge the person's behind me too.

The girl warned me it was going to be a big order. Eh what the hell, I'm a KIND person so damn right I charged it and drove off with the satisfaction of not only making someone's rainy morning but spending LESS than a pack of cigarettes on my good deed (seven dollars to be exact). Smirking to my silly self I got on the highway to begin the rest of my kind, sweet and loving day.

NUMERO DOS: CHEEZ IT KINDNESS

My day of work went by with the usual flair and excitement that working for a copier sales company has to offer. As the eight hours dragged by I realized that no good opportunity for kindness had arisen and I was running out of time in my day! Last minute in comes little A.J. to rescue me from my panic that no good recipient was going to show their face.

A.J., a grandchild of one of my favorite co-workers, comes to visit from time to time. He is always bubbly and cute and on the prowl for the peanut butter cups we keep in the freezer. While I was making my desperate dash for the door at 5:20 (the hell I was going to stay till 5:30 on a rainy Friday) A.J. cornered me by the fridge asking me where we kept the stash. Naturally I searched for him but unfortunately we had downed all of those treats earlier in the week.

I did have one thing to offer. Cheez its. Now I LOVE cheez its. I was looking forward to the rest of those Cheez its in traffic on my way home. I WANTED those Cheez its. BUT kindness is always more satisfying than processed snacks so I offered him the Cheez its. I think he was doubly as excited for them as I was which made my sacrifice well worth it.

NUMERO TRES: CUMBIE'S KINDNESS

So on my trek back home I stopped at my FAVORITE local gas station because A: I fiended for a fountain drink and B: I unfortunately needed to fill up. I didn't really want to stop as it was STILL raining but I figured I could accomplish one more good deed for the day.

Let's be honest, I would have done this one anyway because I love my boyfriend and we both love fountain drinks but instead of only thinking of myself which I happen to do quite often I grabbed a drink and some candies for both of us. Figured I would suprise him and be kind all in one. Home I went with drinks in hand, a full tank of gas and feeling of fulfillment.

IN CONCLUSION

Today put me not only in a better mood but it also put others in a good mood. Not only that, it FELT GOOD and I don't do ANYTHING if it doesn't feel good. In fact, I may just do this another day for the hell of it cuz I like seeing people smile and I like making myself smile. Well worth eight dollars (after the fountain drink) and my favorite snack : )