AWESOMELY Funny Websites (Feel Free to Suggest Additional)

When I'm feeling down, there is nothing better than an awesomely funny website to cheer me up : ) Unless of course I am getting laid ... then there IS something better. But anyway, here for you is a brief collection of a few of my favorite funny spots on the net.

You may find them rude, crude and all together inappropriate. I hope you do, for that is the reason that they so entertain me. If you don't like them, don't complain to me. I didn't make them, I just shared them.

Check them out for yourself or suggest to me additional. I can always use an extra laugh.

1. Failblog.org

2. Peopleofwalmart.com

3.Uglydress.com

4. Textsfromlastnight.com

(519): he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it

5. Fmylife.com

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

6. Someecards.com

An Attitude of Gratitude (Yes, it is as corny as it sounds)

I woke up this morning and it was FINALLY SUNNY. Well it has been for two days now but it is FINALLY SUNNY WITH NO WORK! Yay, instant happy shot.

After being lulled to sleep by the incredibly comforting (NOT) story of the Cheshire murders and being woken ten times in the night by a barking dog, my sleep was less than satisfactory. Yet, there is nothing that makes me feel better than a bright sunny day. So I was satisfied AND I had a cup of coffee waiting for me on the table from Michael. GOOD MORNING!

I have to take care of my doggie while my paarents are on a mini vacation so I dragged my butt off the couch and headed to their house approximately three minutes away (even though it feels like an eternity when I am lazy which is ALWAYS). I walked in, saw him wagging his tail with that stupid look on his face and instantly grew envious of how easy it is to be a dog. Sometimes I really wish I was born a dog. Seriously. Until I see stories like Michael Vick's I believe being a dog would be amazing.

So after I got over my envy of my dog I started contemplating. Is my life really that bad? I mean even at the worst, worst point (which there have been approximately two in recent memory that I can easily point to) was my life REALLY THAT BAD? Then I began comparing myself to the rest of the population in the United States ... and the world ... and I came up with some points.

Point A: I have a place to live. In fact, I technically have two, and endless options were those not readily available to me because ... this brings me to Point B ... I have a job.

Point B: I have a job. Yea, it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life and yes, sometimes it is frustrating, irritating and unsatisfactory but SERIOUSLY who the EFF am I? I HAVE A JOB. Look around yourself Liz, you are better off than a good percent of the population. Sometimes I just want to smack myself.

Point C: I have food. Too much food. I need to stop gaining weight.

Point D: I have people who love me ... and good friends. I came home and talked to Michael before he went out to work and he told me about someone who is close to him who feels they cannot confide in their friends. Ouch. I actually hurt for them because I am so BLESSED. I have the best, best friends a person could ever ask for.

Who can say they have not ONE

Not TWO

but THREE BEST FRIENDS

Not many people can say that, let me tell you. But I can. And even when those best friends are going through tough times and I am left all alone, I have countless other people I can rely on. Some people have no one.

I can go on all the way to Point Z but since I am lazy I will just leave it there and reference this post when I am being a grouchy little bitch, like I was being last night.

Now off to return things at Kohl's, do some weekend work and buy a pumpkin ... or just sit on the couch, we'll see : )

Im not saying NO to that project ...

This task was especially difficult for me judging from the fact that one of my favorite statements is "no" followed by "don't," "I'm not," and "I can't."

I am pretty sure my place of employment has attempted to train me out of this incredibly poor habit for at least six months and kudos to them, they have done a better job at it than anyone ever has. Yet, still, my low self esteem (I will willingly admit that in this case) still tells me I cannot do things to the capacity that other people can. For instance, anything mathamatical, anything that includes following a recipe and anything that does not include someone being right there to ask an immediate question to.

BUT because this was don't say "no" day, I decided to take the challenge. And I was at work. Yes, this spelled trouble.

Of course, today was the day that my president came to me and told me that I was going to help him by trying to sell a list of mailing equipment to unknown mailing equipment buyers (by the way, I work for a copier sales company, in case  you didn't know). Now I don't know the FIRST thing about mailing equipment. Seriously. Shit is FOREIGN. HOWEVER, I couldn't say no. Not only because it was don't say no day but because it was my president.

So, I took the challenge, spent an entire day sending out emails to contacts I hoped were correct and developing an email list for future deals.

AND GUESS WHAT? I got responses of people interested. Of course, they wanted pictures which I did not have.

Email chain:

Customer: Do you have pictures?
Me: I am working on getting them.

Please note, I DID NOT SAY NO! Crazy-ness, pure crazy-ness.

Somewhere mid afternoon when most of the frustration wore off something clicked. I realized if I just stopped saying no ... or more like stopped doubting myself all together ... I could really open up opportunities to myself. I mean think about it, if that equipment sells for $20,000 and we buy it for $15,000 I just made the company $5,000 AND I could open up a whole new aspect of the business.

Maybe that won't happen, potentially it will fall through, but if I said no, I wouldn't even have the chance to develop something new.

So lesson learned, take on new things and conquer the fear. I've let fear rule for far too long. It's time to let a little faith in.

An AWESOME Dedication

I want to dedicate this post and these few days that I did not take any "awesome" actions (Sunday and today) to one of the most awesome people I have ever had the gift of knowing: Kelly Castaldi.

One year ago (technically tomorrow) we lost one of the funniest, sweetest and craziest girls I have ever had the gift of knowing. May she always rest in peace and look after each of us here on earth. I know she has given me more gifts than I can believe.

I hope you are doing your crazy dance up in heaven Kellz. I'm still down here shaving my big toe, laughing at Johnny Rockets (look, no hands!), and getting some tail tonight : )  I'm gonna smoke a cigarette to you cuz I know you loved the smell. Hope you can smell it in heaven.

Missing you always. 10.5.09 <3

Compliment Everyone (I Like)!

Unfortunately I am incredibly late on updating this but as one of my favorite mottoes states, "better late than never," so here I go.

I performed the task of "compliment everyone" on Saturday. Because I am still me (and I will NEVER conform, let's be honest) I took it to mean "compliment everyone YOU KNOW." Not sure if that is how it is supposed to go but that's how I wanted it to go, especially since I spent the day at the mall shopping for a JWOWW / SNOOKIE costume with my best friend in life. I mean really, what was I supposed to do? Go up to random hoodlums with illegitimate children and tell them their babies are cute? Not gonna happen.

I began the day as I begin each day, waking up to Mr. Michael Brian who is just as cute as can be and telling him so. I guess you could consider this a compliment but I do it all of the time no matter what the day. I probably said fifteen ridiculously sweet / disgustingly couple-ish "compliments" within the first half hour of me being awake. As far as I remember we spent the day together until Steph came over. My memory is that shot.

When she got here, we took off to go shopping for our epic AWESOME Halloween costumes. Seriously, I should dedicate an ENTIRE blog just to how awesome our costumes are. Since I won't subject you to a complete entry just about that, I will include it right here.

Dress

http://www.wetseal.com/catalog/product.jsp?categoryId=104&productId=38476&color=null&altImageId=1

Wig

Sunglasses

Yes, you have the right to remain jealous.

But back to complimenting other people besides myself (if I must). While I got all snookie-fied, Steph got into her crazy JWOWW costume, aka: strips of fabric somehow put together just covering her boobs.

Here is where the compliment came in.

Stephanie has lost so much weight. When I say SO MUCH I mean like fifty pounds. Literally. So of course when she started whining about looking fat in her JWOWW costume I could HONESTLY say to her, "you don't look fat, you look mad hot." I emphasize honestly because there was a vow somewhere in the last few months that stated I had to tell her if she got fat (again) and she had to tell me if my boyfriend was wierd (again). We have each other's backs like that.

I personally felt it was a successful complimenting day based solely on the fact that I complimented two of the people I love the most in the world AND I succeeded in not ripping someone's head off when (a) the credit card machine went down in wet seal and I had to pay with the twenty I specifically took out for my fountain sodas during the week, (b) the kid in the Halloween store told me I could not take the wigs out and look at them even though they wanted to charge twenty dollars a pop, and (c) I was going through severe nicotine withdrawal in a hot mall with half of the hood around me.

In conclusion, a pat on the back for me, a pass for all of the people I should have and wanted to bitch out and a big I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE CUTE, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE AMAZING AND YOU'RE AWESOME to the people that make my life complete : )

Day Three (Kinda) Of Awesomeness

DAY THREE OF AWESOMENESS: Three RANDOM Acts of Kindness

Yesterday I was feeling less than awesome and incredibly mean. Combine those two together and you sure as hell were not going to get one single act of kindness from me, not to mention a blog entry. Therefore, considering I have already started this thing cheating by combining Day One and Day Two, I decided TODAY is Day Three.

From here on out I will try to do this the "RIGHT" way. Maybe.

So commence the kindness!

I woke up this morning to another monsoon coming from the sky. Apparently according to the ass backwards state I live in, enough to DELAY school. For RAIN. We sure as hell didn't have that when we were kids ...

Anyway, after I brushed away my bitterness at the hour of traffic ahead and the little kiddies who get to sleep in I charged out into the deluge to being my Friday (TGIF!). To begin my day as I usually do I stopped to get a cup of coffee. Part of the reason my awesomeness was not in action yesterday was because I skipped this integral part of my a.m. routine. This morning I vowed that I absolutely did not care if I was late I was getting my cup of Joe AND doing a good deed in the process.



NUMERO UNO: DRIVE THROUGH KINDNESS

I pulled in to Dunkin D's with the sheets of rain plummeting off my windshield and waited in the drive through line with growing anticipation of who was going to pull in behind me and be the lucky recipient of my benevolence. Shortly later, a tan car took the spot. I ordered the usual french vanilla light and sweet. When I pulled up to the drive through I told the girl not only to charge mine but charge the person's behind me too.

The girl warned me it was going to be a big order. Eh what the hell, I'm a KIND person so damn right I charged it and drove off with the satisfaction of not only making someone's rainy morning but spending LESS than a pack of cigarettes on my good deed (seven dollars to be exact). Smirking to my silly self I got on the highway to begin the rest of my kind, sweet and loving day.

NUMERO DOS: CHEEZ IT KINDNESS

My day of work went by with the usual flair and excitement that working for a copier sales company has to offer. As the eight hours dragged by I realized that no good opportunity for kindness had arisen and I was running out of time in my day! Last minute in comes little A.J. to rescue me from my panic that no good recipient was going to show their face.

A.J., a grandchild of one of my favorite co-workers, comes to visit from time to time. He is always bubbly and cute and on the prowl for the peanut butter cups we keep in the freezer. While I was making my desperate dash for the door at 5:20 (the hell I was going to stay till 5:30 on a rainy Friday) A.J. cornered me by the fridge asking me where we kept the stash. Naturally I searched for him but unfortunately we had downed all of those treats earlier in the week.

I did have one thing to offer. Cheez its. Now I LOVE cheez its. I was looking forward to the rest of those Cheez its in traffic on my way home. I WANTED those Cheez its. BUT kindness is always more satisfying than processed snacks so I offered him the Cheez its. I think he was doubly as excited for them as I was which made my sacrifice well worth it.

NUMERO TRES: CUMBIE'S KINDNESS

So on my trek back home I stopped at my FAVORITE local gas station because A: I fiended for a fountain drink and B: I unfortunately needed to fill up. I didn't really want to stop as it was STILL raining but I figured I could accomplish one more good deed for the day.

Let's be honest, I would have done this one anyway because I love my boyfriend and we both love fountain drinks but instead of only thinking of myself which I happen to do quite often I grabbed a drink and some candies for both of us. Figured I would suprise him and be kind all in one. Home I went with drinks in hand, a full tank of gas and feeling of fulfillment.

IN CONCLUSION

Today put me not only in a better mood but it also put others in a good mood. Not only that, it FELT GOOD and I don't do ANYTHING if it doesn't feel good. In fact, I may just do this another day for the hell of it cuz I like seeing people smile and I like making myself smile. Well worth eight dollars (after the fountain drink) and my favorite snack : )

I’m a lucky man to count on both hands the ones I love. Some folks just have one, others they got none ...

DAYS ONE & TWO OF AWESOMENESS

Hm. I just decided I am not only going to use this to share my 100 Awesome things but other stuff I find totally awesome.

Number One: Pearl Jam. Specifically the song entitled "Just Breathe"

Feel free to take a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuq7RYQ8Wa0

Anyway. Proceed to Task One.

TASK ONE: MOTIVATE SOMEONE

I don't know if this is considered complete cheating but I am going to do it anyway because this is my life, my blog and my rules. In fact, that attitude is what helped me on my Task One.

Allow me to provide you with some background. My best friend, soulmate, sister, lover etc. was going through a rough patch. Poor girl. She has an aggressive streak, it's just hidden behind the sweetest demeanor known to man. Liz to the rescue to put a little rough around those edges!

Now, here is my biffle, being sweet as pie and doing just as everyone else tells her to do, and here is Liz, observing as she gets increasingly miserable (I promise - there is a moment of motivation somewhere in this story). So as is wont to happen with anyone who bends their will consistently to meet other people's needs, she hit a breaking point and came to who other than yours truly, bitch of the year and queen of doing things just my way.

What did I tell her? (Here comes the motivational part!) I told her that if you let everyone else run your life, you miss out. Put your foot down. Do for you as the Jersey Shore cast would say. Make yourself happy, just don't hurt anyone in the process and it is all good. There is no need to live life completely for other people.

And do you know what shedid? She finally asserted herself and what she said to me was "I feel SO good now." Way to motivate! 

So listen up people out there reading this amazing literary work of mine ... STAND UP FOR YOURSELVES. You only have ONE life to live and it is ALL YOURS. Not mine, not your mother's, not your friend's. Make yourself happy and others will be much happier to be around you. Lesson learned. Lesson taught.

TASK TWO: 100 AWESOME THINGS AS DEEMED BY YOURS TRULY AS AWESOME.

1. Michael Brian Nealon (not a thing, still totally awesome)
2. Stephanie Forth aka the other half of my ovaries / sister from another mister
3. My family including my little puppy Oreo & my big step-puppy Jake
4. My extended Thursday night family <3
5. The anticipation on Friday afternoon at 5 o’clock
6. Sleeping in with the one you love on a comfy bed
7. PILLOWS!
8. A warm hot tub after a long day at work
9. Shonda the Honda
10. Driving absolutely no where with your best friend in the world and talking about absolutely everything.
11. Rocking out alone in traffic and getting other people to rock along with you.
12. The smell of a fresh lit cigarette in the summertime.
13. Wednesday coin night!
14. Laughing until you cannot breathe. Literally.
15. Surprises that let you know someone cares.
16. Notes in the morning before work, fresh packed lunches & sweet texts all day
17. A brief feeling of faith and serenity
18. D.V.R.
19. Seeing someone through from their best to their worst because you love them. Unconditionally.
20. Making a sale, even if you don’t get commission.
21. Eating delicious food.
22. Candle lit bubble baths
23. Having a tv in the bathroom
24. Halloween!
25. That fresh clean right out of the shower shampooed and conditioned feeling.
26. The ocean
27. Pleasure Beach (RIP)
28. Skiing
29. The feeling in your stomach right as the roller coaster begins to drop
30. The adrenaline rush of fear.
31. Paying bills with my own money.
32. Cumberland Farms fountain drinks for 84 cents
33. Text messaging
34. Pictures / Photography (there  IS a difference)
35. A good book
36. Underwear shopping!
37. The Aveni family Christmas Eve
38. My mom’s cooking
39. My boyfriend’s cooking
40. The fact I never have to cook : )
41. Milford, Connecticut 06461/0
42. My extreme nursing fantasies (somewhat reflective of a crazy Grey’s episode)
43. Hoarders. Not only the show, the ACTUAL people.
44. Reality tv shows in any way, shape or form
45. Ben & Jerry’s Coffee Heathbar Crunch
46. 70 degrees and sunny
47. A deep, dreamless sleep
48. Sharpies!
49. A song that speaks exactly to you
50. Three years this February
51. Good sex.
52. The feeling of being in love.
53. Reflecting on a horrible time in your life but still laughing and calling it “the good ole days”
54. Full blown mania
55. Diet coke (or as I call it Dee Coke)
56. Staples or any like designed office store
57. Target!
58. Acting like a little kid and not really giving a hoot
59. The diner. Only with people I like. Sorry.
60. Skinny days
61. UGG BOOTS!
62. Facebook. I AM addicted.
63. My hair.
64. Not being ugly. Sounds shallow yet very true.
65. Smirnoff Ice. I don’t care if I can’t drink it. It is still awesome for those who can.
66. Writing a masterpiece or at least what I think are masterpieces.
67. Buying household items
68. Crying your face off when you need a release
69. The bra that makes you two cup sizes bigger.
70. Coloring in color books.
71.  Laughing at the foolishness of other people.
72. Knowing what your best friends are thinking without needing to talk.
73. E* Drinks
74. Finding a CD,  putting it on and instantly being transported back to the time you burnt it.
75. War of the Roses on KTU (103.5) every week day at 5:40
76. Working or reading by natural light
77. A good pen
78. Overcoming your most crippling fears
79. Accepting that it is what it is
80. Unexpected money
81. When life just works out somehow
82. Karma
83. Fate
84. Driving fast when there is no one on the road
85. Weekend trips
86. Getting lost with someone else driving : )
87. Waking up and going to bed happy
88. Learning new things with someone who has the patience to teach me.
89. The stars with no light pollution
90. Thunderstorms. Really wicked thunderstorms.
91. Knowing you saved someone’s life, directly or indirectly, even if you never ever see them again.
92. Taking off and landing in an airplane.
93. PACE trucks. Don’t ask.
94. Incorporating program slogans into work. POSTIVE ATTITUDE CHANGES EVERYTHING GUYS!
95. Mittens and scarves in the winter time.
96. Driving around RIGHT after it snows and no one is on the road.
97. Keeping your patience in a situation you would usually not
98. Learning to take people where they are coming from
99. Saving money
100. When people are unexpectedly friendly

100 Days of Awesome Cult Movement

I have been indoctrinated into taking the bait and joining the "100 Days of Awesome" movement that is sweeping the country, or at least my Facebook friends. Mind you, this is probably a good exercise for me to engage in because for practically one third of the year (oh. my. God.) I will have to do something positive every single day, and let's be honest, Liz is far from the princess of positivity.

Because I am lazy and impatient (not ready to remove those defects yet) I plan on combining day one and day two into one fabulous blog entry that will come shortly after this one.

I want to thank Ryan for introducing me to this lovely idea. Hopefully I will not abandon it after day five but looking into the future (another defect I am not ready to remove) happens to be a sport of mine and I see one task that requires no use of negatives. Note: I just used two in one sentance. Clearly I should do this on the weekend because my job is one big NO. I also hope one day is not designated "quite smoking day" or something corny like that because while I may want to undergo an attitude change, I'm really not up for the lifestyle / bad habit changes.

I also want to thank my Mommy for giving me the gift of life and motivating me to do this (covered her task #1). Even though I really don't have much time for a blog I will probably make time during work hours when I am incredibly bored (ie: RIGHT NOW) and late at night after I am done being irritated at a meeting or watching an episode of Hoarders which seems to constantly be one. Trust that I am NOT protesting.

So please, stay tuned ... I know you are riveted ... and enjoy my one hundred days of pure unadultered AWESOMENESS!