I was watching football one Sunday and finding there are some important questions I have for the NFL. Here I pose them to you, the general public:
Who comes up with the team names?
Some of them make sense, some of them do not and some of them are just lame.
For instance, the Cleveland Browns. WTF is a Brown? Or the Jets ... are they talking like an airplane in that situation? Because that is just stupid. And what significance does 49 have for San Francisco?
And the Miami Dolphins. How does that sound imposing at all? You couldn't make them the Miami Sharks? A DOLPHIN? Really?
And why are there so many damn birds. I get them all confused. We have the Ravens, the Eagles, the Falcons, the Cardinals, the Seahawks (whatever kind of bird that is). Honestly. Overkill on the birds.
Why are there NFL cheerleaders?
I mean really, how pointless. It's not like anyone can hear them among the 5000 constantly screaming fans sitting miles above the field.
And I know that men enjoy oggling hoochies with pom-poms but you honestly can't even SEE them either! Not even live or on TV. Literally the camera pans them maybe once before every fifth commercial break. Useless.
Why football on Sunday, Monday and occasionally Thursday?
Why not Friday and Saturday? Who came up with making a game that keeps you up late either drunk on booze or adrenaline on a work night? Every Monday or Tuesday or Friday morning that I have stayed up late watching my team I curse the name of the NFL. If my team lost it is even worse.
Why can't they just keep throwing the ball up the field?
Why is the QB the only one who can throw the ball? Imagine if you could throw the ball back and forth up the field to everyone. So one receiver passes to another receiver and so on, kinda like basketball. I think that would be awesome! I am sure there is a reason the rules are made like they are but just imagine the possibility ...
11.10.2012
The Effects of a Negative Work Environment
Recently I have come to realize that a negative work environment can have much more of an impact on you than people would assume or admit.
Having gotten a new (dream) job, I can see with an enlightened perspective how my internal, mental health has improved, bringing along with it more satisfaction in my personal relationships and realization of my value as an individual in addition to less fear for the future.
Yes, all of this by just changing a job.
Surely I am exaggerating, you say. But no, anyone who has worked in a negative, borderline abusive and demeaning job will know exactly what I am describing. Escaping (and yes, this is the best term I can apply) feels what I would imagine emancipation felt like for the slaves (okay, maybe not that glorious, but you get the idea). To have your ideas, education, talents and skills appreciated by your superiors feels initially like someone speaking a different language.
What? You want MY opinion? You VALUE me? What is this? This is what I find myself frequently asking in my head. As an educated, fairly intelligent, diligent and organized employee, I knew inside that this is always how I should have been treated, hence my chronic unhappiness due to being under-appreciated. I liken it to an mentally abusive relationship (of which I also have experience). You find yourself doing something in your new relationship that the other person would have berated you for in your old relationship and expect the rant to begin when it dawns on you, YOU ARE FREE! Free at last! And oh is it a feeling I treasure with all of my heart.
So when you are feeling down, take some time to examine what it is that is truly affecting you and try with all of your might to get out of the situation. It may take three years (oh yes indeed) but you will not regret one interview, one tank of gas or one ream of paper wasted on resumes when you are finally appreciated for the competent worker you are.
Having gotten a new (dream) job, I can see with an enlightened perspective how my internal, mental health has improved, bringing along with it more satisfaction in my personal relationships and realization of my value as an individual in addition to less fear for the future.
Yes, all of this by just changing a job.
Surely I am exaggerating, you say. But no, anyone who has worked in a negative, borderline abusive and demeaning job will know exactly what I am describing. Escaping (and yes, this is the best term I can apply) feels what I would imagine emancipation felt like for the slaves (okay, maybe not that glorious, but you get the idea). To have your ideas, education, talents and skills appreciated by your superiors feels initially like someone speaking a different language.
What? You want MY opinion? You VALUE me? What is this? This is what I find myself frequently asking in my head. As an educated, fairly intelligent, diligent and organized employee, I knew inside that this is always how I should have been treated, hence my chronic unhappiness due to being under-appreciated. I liken it to an mentally abusive relationship (of which I also have experience). You find yourself doing something in your new relationship that the other person would have berated you for in your old relationship and expect the rant to begin when it dawns on you, YOU ARE FREE! Free at last! And oh is it a feeling I treasure with all of my heart.
So when you are feeling down, take some time to examine what it is that is truly affecting you and try with all of your might to get out of the situation. It may take three years (oh yes indeed) but you will not regret one interview, one tank of gas or one ream of paper wasted on resumes when you are finally appreciated for the competent worker you are.
3.10.2012
52 Book Challenge: Stones from the River
Well welcome to a dose of reality. I sincerly love the variety of the books I read. Keeps things entertaining. And boy, this book was a great read. So real. So blunt. Not sugar coated but not overexaggerated at all. It made you understand (if you don't already) how it feels to be different. But beyond that - so much further beyond that - it really put into perspective the reality of World War Two and the Holocaust from a German perspective. Absolutely fascinating and very emotional.
The author was just outright honest. Gestapo came into people's homes. Gestapo beat Jews in the streets. People actually believed Hitler was going to liberate them. This was how it was. No gore, no exaggerating, no glossing it over. Just pure this is what happened and this is how it was dealt with.
Stones from the River follows a dwarfed woman named Trudi from her birth to her late adulthood. It explores her relationship with people in her town and her coming to terms with her difference. Spanning from World War One through World War Two in a small German town, Trudi offers insight into all of the characters living in her neighborhood and how they each coped with her, with their secrets and with the war. She got into the psychological issues each person deals with through her ability to make herself seem innocent and allow people to divulge their secrets to her. She comes to discover that each person has something that sets them apart from the other, although it may not be as visible as her own.
She explores the nuances in people's attitudes toward Hitler and the extermination of their Jewish neighbors who at one time were close friends and suddenly in some townspeople's eyes were the enemy. Then she notes the denial of the Hitler believer's behavior after the war is over so that they avoid persecution.
The entire book is incredibly insightful. It seems like it is long when you look at it but the read goes by quickly because there is such variety in the characters. It mainly revolves around Trudi but it also goes into the lives of everyone in the town. If you are interested in the Holocaust from a German perspective or just looking for a good read (kind of similar to Our Town but much more detailed) Stones from the River is the book for you.
The author was just outright honest. Gestapo came into people's homes. Gestapo beat Jews in the streets. People actually believed Hitler was going to liberate them. This was how it was. No gore, no exaggerating, no glossing it over. Just pure this is what happened and this is how it was dealt with.
She explores the nuances in people's attitudes toward Hitler and the extermination of their Jewish neighbors who at one time were close friends and suddenly in some townspeople's eyes were the enemy. Then she notes the denial of the Hitler believer's behavior after the war is over so that they avoid persecution.
The entire book is incredibly insightful. It seems like it is long when you look at it but the read goes by quickly because there is such variety in the characters. It mainly revolves around Trudi but it also goes into the lives of everyone in the town. If you are interested in the Holocaust from a German perspective or just looking for a good read (kind of similar to Our Town but much more detailed) Stones from the River is the book for you.
2.28.2012
52 Book Challenge - Book Eleven: Safe Haven
Of course you know that when books starting getting too serious and thought provoking, we always have Nicholas Sparks to turn to. In my time of need after my previous read that questioned love I felt it necessary to reassure myself that unconditional, unrealistic and heroic love do indeed exist by turning to the tried and true classic formula love story.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
While some people get bored, even exhasperated with the formula love story, I eat it up like apple pie ala mode. It is the guilty pleasure of my reading experience. In fact, I enjoy it so much I usually read some kind of gooshy book at least once per month.
And do you know why? Because life is too damn full of negative. At least these characters have a positive outcome in the end. So love on Nicholas Sparks characters! True love does exist. Love conquers all evil. Love is patient, love is kind. Etc, etc.
The story is about a woman introduced to us as Katie. She is hiding something and we do not know at first but she is starting over in a small southern town. We come to learn she is running from an abusive husband. While starting over, she meets Alex, a store owner in town with two children whose wife has passed away from a terminal illness. Alex and Katie inevitably fall in love and are initially brought together by Katie's compassion for his children.
The budding relationship between the two is juxtaposed with flashbacks of the past and how Katie (whose real name is Erin) ended up in town. Eventually we gain the perspective of both Katie and the abusive husband she has left behind. While she is moving on with her life and finally gaining courage to stop feeling followed, he is on the desperate hunt for her. And did I mention, of course, he is a cop.
Inevitably, the husband finds Katie and comes to get her. Let's not ruin his psychopathic rampage by going into description here ... that part is half the fun (the other half being unconditional love). To top it off there is also a supernatural twist (oh yea, it goes there and I LOVE all over it). In the end ... well I'm sure you can guess what happens ...
Nicholas Sparks = Fairytales for adult princesses
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
While some people get bored, even exhasperated with the formula love story, I eat it up like apple pie ala mode. It is the guilty pleasure of my reading experience. In fact, I enjoy it so much I usually read some kind of gooshy book at least once per month.
And do you know why? Because life is too damn full of negative. At least these characters have a positive outcome in the end. So love on Nicholas Sparks characters! True love does exist. Love conquers all evil. Love is patient, love is kind. Etc, etc.
The story is about a woman introduced to us as Katie. She is hiding something and we do not know at first but she is starting over in a small southern town. We come to learn she is running from an abusive husband. While starting over, she meets Alex, a store owner in town with two children whose wife has passed away from a terminal illness. Alex and Katie inevitably fall in love and are initially brought together by Katie's compassion for his children.
The budding relationship between the two is juxtaposed with flashbacks of the past and how Katie (whose real name is Erin) ended up in town. Eventually we gain the perspective of both Katie and the abusive husband she has left behind. While she is moving on with her life and finally gaining courage to stop feeling followed, he is on the desperate hunt for her. And did I mention, of course, he is a cop.
Inevitably, the husband finds Katie and comes to get her. Let's not ruin his psychopathic rampage by going into description here ... that part is half the fun (the other half being unconditional love). To top it off there is also a supernatural twist (oh yea, it goes there and I LOVE all over it). In the end ... well I'm sure you can guess what happens ...
Nicholas Sparks = Fairytales for adult princesses
2.25.2012
52 Book Challenge - Book Ten: The Marriage Plot
The title of this book implies something a little fluffy. Maybe a story about roping a man into marrying you or searching for "the one". Well don't let it fool you. Like Middlesex (another book written by this author) this book is full of dark undertones while telling the story of complex characters with real life struggles. Except their struggles are the types of struggles no one discusses, which makes this peek into what is going on behind closed doors even more enticing, and offers some relief (at least for me).
The Marriage Plot explores a complex relationship between three main characters who begin as graduating seniors with an abundance of intelligence and diplomas from Brown. But if you think in the beginning of the book that this is another story about wealthy intellectuals who have it all, you are sorely mistaken. Not only does it explore the issues faced by being stuck in between childhood and adulthood, but it also makes an interesting commentary on love and commitment as a whole.
Madeline is a co-dependent woman with no real direction for the future of her life except for to take care of her bipolar boyfriend Leonard. He is literally bipolar and she literally feels obligated to stay with him in spite of all of the messed up scenarious he puts her through. The reader is a fly on the wall through their disfunctional relationship.
In the background of the Madeline / Leonard relationship is Madeline's friend, Mitchell, who is a religious studies guru in hopeless love and hopless resentment of Madeline and Leonard respectively. Mitchell also has not much of a direction in life and hopes to wait out the current recession by travelling around Europe and India.
The story of their relationships devlops based on their character flaws rather than their character attributes. However, I found myself relating to many of the feelings Madeline has towards Leonard and towards life and the future in general. I even found myself relating to Leonard at times (which could say something about me). As I have said before, I appreciate a book that allows me to feel for the characters. I especially appreciate a book that examines the real, flawed side of humanity.
The Marriage Plot intertwines all of these attributes and is puncuated by well written prose which include a lovely use of vocabulary. I can see why this book was reccomended by magazines and other readers.
The Marriage Plot explores a complex relationship between three main characters who begin as graduating seniors with an abundance of intelligence and diplomas from Brown. But if you think in the beginning of the book that this is another story about wealthy intellectuals who have it all, you are sorely mistaken. Not only does it explore the issues faced by being stuck in between childhood and adulthood, but it also makes an interesting commentary on love and commitment as a whole.
Madeline is a co-dependent woman with no real direction for the future of her life except for to take care of her bipolar boyfriend Leonard. He is literally bipolar and she literally feels obligated to stay with him in spite of all of the messed up scenarious he puts her through. The reader is a fly on the wall through their disfunctional relationship.
In the background of the Madeline / Leonard relationship is Madeline's friend, Mitchell, who is a religious studies guru in hopeless love and hopless resentment of Madeline and Leonard respectively. Mitchell also has not much of a direction in life and hopes to wait out the current recession by travelling around Europe and India.
The story of their relationships devlops based on their character flaws rather than their character attributes. However, I found myself relating to many of the feelings Madeline has towards Leonard and towards life and the future in general. I even found myself relating to Leonard at times (which could say something about me). As I have said before, I appreciate a book that allows me to feel for the characters. I especially appreciate a book that examines the real, flawed side of humanity.
The Marriage Plot intertwines all of these attributes and is puncuated by well written prose which include a lovely use of vocabulary. I can see why this book was reccomended by magazines and other readers.
2.18.2012
52 Book Challenge - Book Nine: Home Front
Yes, I am already posting another book I finished. And do you know why? Because it was the best. book. ever. No exaggeration. I could not put it down, nor could I stop crying at it.
This author (Kristin Hannah) wrote another book I read called Night Road - also a fabulous book - so you can imagine how excited I was when I was handed this newbook by my boss (his wife is an avid reader, a perk of the job). I immediately started Home Front knowing it was going to be good but I was not prepared for amazing, emotional, heart wrenching and all those other adjectives that make for an awesome read.
Well I got prepared. By page twenty I actually gave a shit about the characters, by page fifty I felt for the characters, by page one hundred I practically WAS the characters. That is how much I cared. I cared enough to cry not once, not twice, but probably over three times. Actually it was probably the vast majority of the second half of the book, which took me two hours to read.
I have not read a book I felt so emotionally involved in since The Notebook (before it was a movie and everyone was obsessed with it thankyouverymuch). This is a MUST read. This book is so much more than a sappy story, in fact it isn't sappy at all. It is real life. Read it.
I refuse to tell you the entire plot since I feel so strongly you should read it I do not want to give anything away. I will set the tone for you though, since you should have an idea of what it is about. There is a family, the woman is a helicopter pilot for the army, the children are four and twelve, the father is emotionally disengaged and the mother is a perfectionist ... this is how it begins. Then the mother is deployed.
Read the damn book for more.
You will not be let down.
This author (Kristin Hannah) wrote another book I read called Night Road - also a fabulous book - so you can imagine how excited I was when I was handed this newbook by my boss (his wife is an avid reader, a perk of the job). I immediately started Home Front knowing it was going to be good but I was not prepared for amazing, emotional, heart wrenching and all those other adjectives that make for an awesome read.
Well I got prepared. By page twenty I actually gave a shit about the characters, by page fifty I felt for the characters, by page one hundred I practically WAS the characters. That is how much I cared. I cared enough to cry not once, not twice, but probably over three times. Actually it was probably the vast majority of the second half of the book, which took me two hours to read.
I have not read a book I felt so emotionally involved in since The Notebook (before it was a movie and everyone was obsessed with it thankyouverymuch). This is a MUST read. This book is so much more than a sappy story, in fact it isn't sappy at all. It is real life. Read it.
I refuse to tell you the entire plot since I feel so strongly you should read it I do not want to give anything away. I will set the tone for you though, since you should have an idea of what it is about. There is a family, the woman is a helicopter pilot for the army, the children are four and twelve, the father is emotionally disengaged and the mother is a perfectionist ... this is how it begins. Then the mother is deployed.
Read the damn book for more.
You will not be let down.
2.16.2012
52 Book Challenge - Book Eight: Jewel
This was one of those "slice of life" books. The writing was absolutely beautiful but the story wasn't the exciting page-turning pop-fiction most readers are used to. Luckily, I am not most readers and I am used to symbolism and messages in literature (thanks to being a devoted English major).
The story was really about family and the trials and tribulations you go through in different stages of life. It also focused on the main character (Jewel) and her relationship with God. Much of the message in the book was based on the age-old question of whether or not to maintain faith in God during the toughest times. Additionally it was a message about how you react to chllenges with your life and how all of the peices fit together.
To be honest, I enjoyed it for the fact alone that Jewel was faced with quite a few challenges (the primary being a mentally handicapped child) and she powered through them. Now many books obviously have characters that do this but in THIS book, the challenges were REAL. You could actually imagine yourself having the feelings and anxiety and questioning of faith that Jewel goes through. It definitely created well-rounded characters and easily imaged scense and feelings.
The story was really about family and the trials and tribulations you go through in different stages of life. It also focused on the main character (Jewel) and her relationship with God. Much of the message in the book was based on the age-old question of whether or not to maintain faith in God during the toughest times. Additionally it was a message about how you react to chllenges with your life and how all of the peices fit together.
To be honest, I enjoyed it for the fact alone that Jewel was faced with quite a few challenges (the primary being a mentally handicapped child) and she powered through them. Now many books obviously have characters that do this but in THIS book, the challenges were REAL. You could actually imagine yourself having the feelings and anxiety and questioning of faith that Jewel goes through. It definitely created well-rounded characters and easily imaged scense and feelings.
2.02.2012
52 Book Challenge - Week Four (and part of Five) - Books Five, Six & Seven: The Hunger Games Trilogy
I honestly don't even want to give you a synopsis of these books because it would ruin them for you. They are that good that you should read them yourselves. The creativity, thought and intelligence that went into the books coupled with the great story telling makes them impossible to put down. I obviously back to back read the books. THREE books in ONE week.
Not only did I love the books but I also loved the Kindle I was reading them on so now I am joining the forces of traitors and getting an e-reader. Fear not, I will never abandon the written, printed word. I just love to read so much I would read off of any medium!
Anyway, back to the books. These are worth BUYING and one thing I don't do is buy things I can get for free. But if you can't get them for free, get them anyway. Beg, borrow and steal for them because they are THAT enjoyable. And if it turns out you follow my instructions and hate the books, don't blame me.
For anyone who thought that toilet paper they call Twilight was good, you don't know what a true book series is made of. Never since Harry Potter have I read such an enjoyable set of books with a strong female character, an interesting message, twists, turns and emotions all at once. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. My compliments to the author.
Oh and a movie is coming out. It better be good. But books are always better than the movie anyway ...
1.22.2012
52 Book Challenge - Week Three - Book Four: When You Were Mine
This book is one of those stories that could have been told better in two hundred pages than the three hundred and thirty it was stretched out to. I would have felt much more interested in the characters were there to be less delay in the telling of the story with some meaningless details. I wanted so badly to feel for the characters in this book and I came close at times but I never really cared enough. To me, that makes it miss the mark a bit. Toward the end of the book it began to move a bit faster but by then it was too little, too late. I say Nicholas Sparks should steal the story premise and make the characters people I care about.
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The story is about a woman named Susie who is in a loveless relationship where her partner does not want to commit and his kids don't care about her. At her brother's wedding as she is revealing her dissatisfaction with her life, she runs into Rob, her high school sweetheart. They say hi and then leave one another. Susie still thinks about Rob while they are seperated and the tale of their past relationship and how she cheated on him is recapped.
Meanwhile, Susie's best friend since childhood, Amelia, gets a cancer diagnosis. Susie now must be supportive for Amelia while struggling with her own relationships. Admist this, Rob contacts Susie and they begin to see one another for coffee. One thing leads to another and they end up hooking up. Problem is, Rob just got married to a woman named Helena and Susie is in a relationship. But they claim it is true love.
Susie keeps the whole relationship a secret even from Amelia. But Amelia knows something is up and they get in an argument over Susie's behavior and stop speaking for a bit. Meanwhile, Rob and Susie keep their affair going on and end up sleeping together. Susie finally gains enough courage to leave her boyfriend and expects Rob will do the same with his wife. The thing is, Rob's wife is in the service and she gets injured. After she comes home with no leg, Rob realizes how much he has to be there for her and cannot be with Susie.
Susie is devestated but in the end it turns out Amelia is there for her. Amelia's cancer has gone into remission and both happy and healthy she reassures Susie that she has much to offer the world. The End.
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Like I said, the story could be so emotional and touching if you connect with the characters but I just couldn't connect. When I did connect slightly it was usually to think that Susie was a moron and she deserved what she got for being a homewrecker. I didn't see it from the touching, romantic viewpoint it was supposed to be coming from. In that regard, it just fell short.
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Meanwhile, Susie's best friend since childhood, Amelia, gets a cancer diagnosis. Susie now must be supportive for Amelia while struggling with her own relationships. Admist this, Rob contacts Susie and they begin to see one another for coffee. One thing leads to another and they end up hooking up. Problem is, Rob just got married to a woman named Helena and Susie is in a relationship. But they claim it is true love.
Susie keeps the whole relationship a secret even from Amelia. But Amelia knows something is up and they get in an argument over Susie's behavior and stop speaking for a bit. Meanwhile, Rob and Susie keep their affair going on and end up sleeping together. Susie finally gains enough courage to leave her boyfriend and expects Rob will do the same with his wife. The thing is, Rob's wife is in the service and she gets injured. After she comes home with no leg, Rob realizes how much he has to be there for her and cannot be with Susie.
Susie is devestated but in the end it turns out Amelia is there for her. Amelia's cancer has gone into remission and both happy and healthy she reassures Susie that she has much to offer the world. The End.
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Like I said, the story could be so emotional and touching if you connect with the characters but I just couldn't connect. When I did connect slightly it was usually to think that Susie was a moron and she deserved what she got for being a homewrecker. I didn't see it from the touching, romantic viewpoint it was supposed to be coming from. In that regard, it just fell short.
1.21.2012
Just another reason I hate modern society ...
Here is something that really gets me going.
I was listening to the radio on my way home from my parents the other night. Basically five minutes of radio, possibly ten because I was trying to navigate through Mother Nature’s newest gift of snow. In that short span of time, the span of time it takes me to drive maybe a mile, I heard the following:
A song about hooking up and getting drunk and all sorts of sleaze punctuated by the deejay coming on the air and poking fun at Tim Tebow for going to Las Vegas and just seeing Cirque Du Soleil rather than being a promiscuous moron.
Now I am no pure white daisy. I have had my days of good times. I have acted a fool quite publicly. Yet I am sorry, so very sorry, I may sound old and prude here but this is fucking ridiculous.
No other way to put it, no way to sugar coat it: fucking ridiculous.
First and foremost, being a drunk slut is not a good look. No matter how many songs on the radio promote you being a hussy, it isn’t cute, no one likes it, and you will probably end up not liking yourself too much either. If you are a man, being a drunk asshole is no better of a look. It may get you laid when you are twenty but by the time you are thirty five you are just a tool.
Second, it is quite alright for someone to go to an exciting city full of things to do and not get wasted drunk because OMGZ WE’RE IN VEGASSS. Grow up. Clearly twenty four year old Tim Tebow understands the concept of maturity and doesn’t feel like impregnating strangers constitutes a “fun” vacation. Oh and he is making more in a year than you nasty skanks can even imagine so basically he can live in a Cirque Du Soleil theater if he feels so inclined. Sorry that morals are so socially unacceptable because idiocy is so prevalent.
Third, I don’t feel like hearing every time I turn on the radio LEZZ DANZE AND HOOK UPPPP to a beat. Honestly. There is one night a week I watch Jersey Shore and I do enjoy that ONE NIGHT A WEEK. But I prefer to limit my intake. Please stop pushing it on me. I feel violated.
People get all bent out of shape when we talk about God yet they think its OMGZ WEIRD when a guy goes to Vegas and doesn’t get drunk. Something doesn’t make sense here. Why is it wrong for a guy not to sleep around and to go with his brother to see a show in Vegas? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?
Listen, I like rocking out to mindless music and killing my brain cells with shallow tv shows as much as the next girl, but there comes a point where enough is enough. There is a place and time for everything. After nine pm on Bravo = place and time. Six o'clock on my local radio station, not so much.
Not only does it come down to place and time but it comes down to respecting people who choose to take what they feel is a moral high road, not make fun of them. So I hope Tebow enjoyed his trip to Vegas. I would like to go to Vegas too someday.
And you know what I plan on doing there?
Seeing a fucking Cirque Du Soleil show.
What now?
I was listening to the radio on my way home from my parents the other night. Basically five minutes of radio, possibly ten because I was trying to navigate through Mother Nature’s newest gift of snow. In that short span of time, the span of time it takes me to drive maybe a mile, I heard the following:
A song about hooking up and getting drunk and all sorts of sleaze punctuated by the deejay coming on the air and poking fun at Tim Tebow for going to Las Vegas and just seeing Cirque Du Soleil rather than being a promiscuous moron.
Now I am no pure white daisy. I have had my days of good times. I have acted a fool quite publicly. Yet I am sorry, so very sorry, I may sound old and prude here but this is fucking ridiculous.
No other way to put it, no way to sugar coat it: fucking ridiculous.
First and foremost, being a drunk slut is not a good look. No matter how many songs on the radio promote you being a hussy, it isn’t cute, no one likes it, and you will probably end up not liking yourself too much either. If you are a man, being a drunk asshole is no better of a look. It may get you laid when you are twenty but by the time you are thirty five you are just a tool.
Second, it is quite alright for someone to go to an exciting city full of things to do and not get wasted drunk because OMGZ WE’RE IN VEGASSS. Grow up. Clearly twenty four year old Tim Tebow understands the concept of maturity and doesn’t feel like impregnating strangers constitutes a “fun” vacation. Oh and he is making more in a year than you nasty skanks can even imagine so basically he can live in a Cirque Du Soleil theater if he feels so inclined. Sorry that morals are so socially unacceptable because idiocy is so prevalent.
Third, I don’t feel like hearing every time I turn on the radio LEZZ DANZE AND HOOK UPPPP to a beat. Honestly. There is one night a week I watch Jersey Shore and I do enjoy that ONE NIGHT A WEEK. But I prefer to limit my intake. Please stop pushing it on me. I feel violated.
People get all bent out of shape when we talk about God yet they think its OMGZ WEIRD when a guy goes to Vegas and doesn’t get drunk. Something doesn’t make sense here. Why is it wrong for a guy not to sleep around and to go with his brother to see a show in Vegas? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?
Listen, I like rocking out to mindless music and killing my brain cells with shallow tv shows as much as the next girl, but there comes a point where enough is enough. There is a place and time for everything. After nine pm on Bravo = place and time. Six o'clock on my local radio station, not so much.
Not only does it come down to place and time but it comes down to respecting people who choose to take what they feel is a moral high road, not make fun of them. So I hope Tebow enjoyed his trip to Vegas. I would like to go to Vegas too someday.
And you know what I plan on doing there?
Seeing a fucking Cirque Du Soleil show.
What now?
1.15.2012
52 Book Challenge - Week Two - Book Three: The Weight of Dreams
If you are a Cormac McCarthy fan, a horse fan or a description fan (preferably a combination of all) this book is absolutely perfect for you. It has the intense twisted characters brought to you only by writers like McCarthy but touched with a different type of descriptive writing. The Weight of Dreams explores complicated relationships between people who have lived rough lives. The characters are very realistic and relateable. Their lives are far from perfect, they have no idea what the future holds, they have anxieties and pasts. I think that feature of the book is what made it such an enjoyable read for me. I could really dive in and get inside their worries and forget about my own (which is why I read, duh).
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The book focuses on Ty Bonte who is originally a rancher from the Sandhills of Nebraska. He is currently living in Kansas and working as a horse trader coming into contact with all sorts of questionable characters. But, we soon find out, he is a questionable character himself. Ty has fled Nebraska with an outstanding warrant on his head for an assault he committed years ago as a teenager with one of his friends. Small facts are revealed throughout the book about the entireitly of the assault.
When Ty goes to pick up a set of horses from an especially sketchy fellow, he meets Dakota who is basically a freeloader who goes from ranch to ranch helping with tasks in order to earn her stay. Dakota convinces Ty that she is just going to hitch a ride with him. What Ty doesn't know is that Dakota has put among his horses her own favorite horse which she does not own. Ty, Dakota and the stolen horse travel to Ty's ranch in Kansas.
Once in Kansas, the two are taking care of the horses, completely platonic but slowly developing a relationship. Eventually (not instantly which was nice because it was more realistic) the two end up becoming intimate. As they are growing closer, both Ty and Dakota are struggling with telling one another their own personal secrets and both are dancing around the inevitable. Ty is keeping his past to himself and Dakota is not mentioning there is a stolen horse in the barn.
Shortly thereafter, the sketchy horse trader, Eddie, and his customer come out to Ty's ranch to see some of his horses and see if they want to buy any. The customer is someone who Ty recognizes - his friend Harney from childhood who he committed the assault with. Ty can tell that Eddie and Harney are not really there to buy a horse because of the way they are acting and Ty knows it is coming close to him having to face his past.
While Dakota is out, Ty comes home from the fields the next day and is assaulted by Harney and his crew because it is their horse that Dakota has stolen and Harney holds additional resentment from the past. Harney kills the horse, stabs Ty with a pitchfork, steals the rest of the animals and runs off. Dakota finds Ty, brings him to the hospital where he holds on by a thread and waits for him to recover.
Once he recovers, Ty faces the facts that he has to go home to Nebraska and make peace with his past. He and Dakota travel back to Nebraska where he stays with his father. His father and he also have a past history of resentment and abuse between them. His father blamed him for his younger brother's death and vice versa. His father is now dying of emphazyema and Dakota helps take care of him.
With Ty being back in town and Harney being head of the bank in town, the two face off again. Harney is a sick and twisted character and we learn that he is just plain demented and violent. However, to the rest of the town he looks like an upstanding citizen and Ty is the one who looks like the son of a drunk rancher and a vagrant.
Through a series of events, Ty and Harney end up back in court for the assault charge that Harney put all on Ty years before. Ty ends up being forced to tell Dakota about the senseless violence he committed against two Native American boys with Harney that night. But we come to see he was just a dumb kid (which he does not excuse himself for) and Harney is the true sick mastermind behind the whole thing.
When they face justice again, they are both found guilty but the court sees that Harney holds more of the responsibility and he is forced to make stiffer reperations and lose his good reputation in town. The book ends with Ty and Dakota finding Harney trying to harm Ty's horses in his barn but being kicked to death by the horse before he could.
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Sometimes the relationships in the book get a confusing and you have to backpedal a bit to see who is who, but that is what makes it endearing as well. Life is confusing and real relationships are complicated. The relationships in the book could be an actual slice of life. You see raw emotions from the characters. When they feel panic, you feel panic; when they feel anger, you feel anger.
The slice of life reality in The Weight of Dreams coupled with an interesting story and characters you care about make it an enjoyable read. Despite its four hundred plus pages, it can be read in a week because it holds your interest.
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When Ty goes to pick up a set of horses from an especially sketchy fellow, he meets Dakota who is basically a freeloader who goes from ranch to ranch helping with tasks in order to earn her stay. Dakota convinces Ty that she is just going to hitch a ride with him. What Ty doesn't know is that Dakota has put among his horses her own favorite horse which she does not own. Ty, Dakota and the stolen horse travel to Ty's ranch in Kansas.
Once in Kansas, the two are taking care of the horses, completely platonic but slowly developing a relationship. Eventually (not instantly which was nice because it was more realistic) the two end up becoming intimate. As they are growing closer, both Ty and Dakota are struggling with telling one another their own personal secrets and both are dancing around the inevitable. Ty is keeping his past to himself and Dakota is not mentioning there is a stolen horse in the barn.
Shortly thereafter, the sketchy horse trader, Eddie, and his customer come out to Ty's ranch to see some of his horses and see if they want to buy any. The customer is someone who Ty recognizes - his friend Harney from childhood who he committed the assault with. Ty can tell that Eddie and Harney are not really there to buy a horse because of the way they are acting and Ty knows it is coming close to him having to face his past.
While Dakota is out, Ty comes home from the fields the next day and is assaulted by Harney and his crew because it is their horse that Dakota has stolen and Harney holds additional resentment from the past. Harney kills the horse, stabs Ty with a pitchfork, steals the rest of the animals and runs off. Dakota finds Ty, brings him to the hospital where he holds on by a thread and waits for him to recover.
Once he recovers, Ty faces the facts that he has to go home to Nebraska and make peace with his past. He and Dakota travel back to Nebraska where he stays with his father. His father and he also have a past history of resentment and abuse between them. His father blamed him for his younger brother's death and vice versa. His father is now dying of emphazyema and Dakota helps take care of him.
With Ty being back in town and Harney being head of the bank in town, the two face off again. Harney is a sick and twisted character and we learn that he is just plain demented and violent. However, to the rest of the town he looks like an upstanding citizen and Ty is the one who looks like the son of a drunk rancher and a vagrant.
Through a series of events, Ty and Harney end up back in court for the assault charge that Harney put all on Ty years before. Ty ends up being forced to tell Dakota about the senseless violence he committed against two Native American boys with Harney that night. But we come to see he was just a dumb kid (which he does not excuse himself for) and Harney is the true sick mastermind behind the whole thing.
When they face justice again, they are both found guilty but the court sees that Harney holds more of the responsibility and he is forced to make stiffer reperations and lose his good reputation in town. The book ends with Ty and Dakota finding Harney trying to harm Ty's horses in his barn but being kicked to death by the horse before he could.
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Sometimes the relationships in the book get a confusing and you have to backpedal a bit to see who is who, but that is what makes it endearing as well. Life is confusing and real relationships are complicated. The relationships in the book could be an actual slice of life. You see raw emotions from the characters. When they feel panic, you feel panic; when they feel anger, you feel anger.
The slice of life reality in The Weight of Dreams coupled with an interesting story and characters you care about make it an enjoyable read. Despite its four hundred plus pages, it can be read in a week because it holds your interest.
1.08.2012
52 Book Challenge - Week One - Book Two: Sam's Letters to Jennifer
Everyone loves a formula romance every so often. They call them "beach reads" but since we only get to see the beach around here about one month out of the year, I will call them "rainy day reads". Of course it wasn't raining yesterday (for once) but I did successfully read practically this entire book. Now THAT is what I call a relaxing weekend (no sarcasm).
I personally love a formula romance at least once a month so be prepared. Some people find them predictable, boring, corny etc but I find them sweet. This is rare since usually I find the negative about everything. When it comes to a love story, I'm a sucker. As Steph has told me, I am "in love with love". True story.
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Enter my latest read, Sam's Letters to Jennifer
I personally love a formula romance at least once a month so be prepared. Some people find them predictable, boring, corny etc but I find them sweet. This is rare since usually I find the negative about everything. When it comes to a love story, I'm a sucker. As Steph has told me, I am "in love with love". True story.
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Enter my latest read, Sam's Letters to Jennifer
The book starts out with a tragedy and a past tragedy as all the good ones go. Jennifer has lost her husband in a surfing accident and shortly thereafter has a miscarriage (past tragedy). Now her grandmother, Samantha, is in a coma in the hospital (current tragedy). We find out bits and peices about each tragedy one chapter by one and it gets addicting; you just need to know more!
Jennifer goes to the lake which Samantha lives on to visit her and take care of her and the home (note: idyllic setting, classic). She is currently a columnist for a newspaper and is juggling her personal stress with her career stress (note: successful job, doubly classic). We see her run the gamut of emotions upon seeing her grandmother comatose and being back in her grandmother's home, a vacation spot from childhood.
Alas, when we think all hope is lost for poor widowed, almost grandmotherless Jennifer - she sights a naked man! True story (at least in the book) she sees the guy a few doors down skinny dipping. In real life, this may result in a call to the police - in formula romance life, this leads to curiousity and attraction.
Naked man turns out to own some clothes and have a name, Brendan. Brendan somehow stalks Jennifer out to "get to know her" (yes, he swims naked and stalks, may seem sketchy, but not to our girl Jen). Of course in the classic "I just went through a tragedy and can't bear to get close to anyone" way, she tries to deny his ongoing advances until she gives in - as predicted.
When she finally gives in, the relationship kicks it into high gear and goes from swimming together (clothed) to fantasy dates that can only be written in romance to true love. Just like that. It has not even been a month but no matter, they are soul mates. And then ... just as Jennifer begins to trust again ... the bomb is dropped ... Brendan has a brain tumor! Gasp!
Now please pause here because meanwhile, there is another substory going on during the Jen / Brendan whirlwind romance. Please keep in mind grandma Sam is still in a coma but just because she isn't awake doesn't mean she ain't talking. She has left letters for Jennifer (hence the title) about her own secret romantic life.
Interspersed between the current day quandries are letters that Jennifer is reading about the man her grandmother has an affair with because she never truly loved her husband and he was abusive. Of couse, this is the perfect affair as well since everything is perfect in forumla romance. Instead of a motel six they go to an inn to rendevous. Not kidding.
We readers also find out that her lover, who Sam just calls Doc in her letters, is actually still alive but she won't tell us the name - we need a reason besides Brendans potential chance at death to keep reading.
Fast forward - if you cannot guess on your own. Grandma Sam wakes up from the coma and she is perfectly fine. Brendan decides to have an experimental surgery to save himself after quitting his job as a doctor and having the influence on Jennifer to quit hers so they can live every day to the fullest together (and somehow still have the funds to do so). Brendan goes to surgery secretly but Jen finds out in the last minute and rushes there to tell him how much she loves him before he goes under the knife.
Guess the outcome? HE LIVES! And with no complications! Oh were life so easy.
So Grandma Sam, Brendan and Jen head back to the lake house where Grandma Sam finally introduces us to Doc (the lover) who turns out to be the minister who was visiting her in the hospital. Gotta admit, I did not see it coming (it was probably obvious but I was just too distracted by the terrible display of basketball Uconn was putting on at that point). They all obviously instantly love one another and sit in the sunlight spreading joy.
Then BOOM! Last tragedy, Grandma Sam dies. But she leaves Jennifer with one last note, the lakehouse, and the sentiment that love never dies. Oh and Jen is pregs with Brendan's baby, who she names Sam. Duh.
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I guess I enjoy stories like these so much because they are so hopeful. They are always victorious over adversity. It is just so heart warming. Books like these are just fake enough to make them good reads and just real enough to convince you that maybe ... just MAYBE ... this could actually happen.
I also enjoy reading about people falling in love. I find that when I read about other people falling in love, it reminds me of myself falling in love and then I feel all good inside being reminded of being in love and it is just a damn love fest all up in my brain.
So long live the formula romance! This won't be the last one I read this year, you can bet on it.
1.07.2012
52 Book Challenge - Week One - Book One: Running With Scissors
Allow me to begin by saying that the book reviewers who wrote on the back cover have some sick senses of humor. This is coming from someone with a pretty demented sense of humor. My favorite comment made by one of these illustrious readers is "Wickedly, ridiculously funny."
Now when I read this on the back (there is no plot synopsis) my thought was that I was in for a belly laugh at every page.
Think again.
Sorry for all you sickos out there but I did not find this book "funny" at all. I found it entertaining at some points, wacky, maybe a little crack of a smile during a humorous and unbelievable anecdote, but not "funny".
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Basic synopsis:
The narrator is a child born to an alcoholic father and a psychotic mother (literally). The father leaves the family. The mother meets an equally crazy therapist / psychiatrist who claims he is "treating her". She is convinced that her son (the narrator) should go live with the therapist and his family part time. So the kid does. Mind you, I think this story takes place in the seventies where flop houses and free love were more socially acceptable.
The therapists' "family" is a mish mosh of biological relations and other patients who have come to live in the house. There is no control, the house is filthy, the kids are uneducated and crass. They actually all sound like a bunch of hoarders. In fact, the last hoarders episode I saw with all of the roaches reminded me of this family. So the kid is stuck going back and forth between living with a bunch of crazy hoarders to his insane mother who takes baths in glass.
In the midst of ALL of this he is also learning about his budding homosexuality. How does he first discover he is really, definitely gay? By becoming engaged in a sexual relationship with one of the therapist's sons who just so happens to be over thirty. Our narrator is thirteen. Are you laughing yet?
So from here the story just follows all of the dysfunction this kid has to live through with his whack job mother and her lesbian affairs, his nutso siblings who aren't really his siblings, and his affair with a grown man. Eventually, in the end, the kid (who has grown to nearly college age) realizes that living in a house with no control makes it near impossible to get anywhere. He takes control of his own life and we are left with the knowledge he is going to go to New York and try to make something of himself.
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This is all supposedly a true story although some of the scenarios in it are truly unbelievable to me. Someone needs to verify these events because if that James Frey guy got in all sorts of trouble for saying he didn't take Novocaine during some dental work, then Mr. Burroughs and his unreal characters / situations need to be investigated.
All that being said, the book WAS entertaining and I WOULD read Dry which is the next book talking about the next phase of his messed up life.
I'd recommend Running With Scissors, I just wouldn't call it "funny".
Now when I read this on the back (there is no plot synopsis) my thought was that I was in for a belly laugh at every page.
Think again.
Sorry for all you sickos out there but I did not find this book "funny" at all. I found it entertaining at some points, wacky, maybe a little crack of a smile during a humorous and unbelievable anecdote, but not "funny".
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Basic synopsis:
The narrator is a child born to an alcoholic father and a psychotic mother (literally). The father leaves the family. The mother meets an equally crazy therapist / psychiatrist who claims he is "treating her". She is convinced that her son (the narrator) should go live with the therapist and his family part time. So the kid does. Mind you, I think this story takes place in the seventies where flop houses and free love were more socially acceptable.
The therapists' "family" is a mish mosh of biological relations and other patients who have come to live in the house. There is no control, the house is filthy, the kids are uneducated and crass. They actually all sound like a bunch of hoarders. In fact, the last hoarders episode I saw with all of the roaches reminded me of this family. So the kid is stuck going back and forth between living with a bunch of crazy hoarders to his insane mother who takes baths in glass.
In the midst of ALL of this he is also learning about his budding homosexuality. How does he first discover he is really, definitely gay? By becoming engaged in a sexual relationship with one of the therapist's sons who just so happens to be over thirty. Our narrator is thirteen. Are you laughing yet?
So from here the story just follows all of the dysfunction this kid has to live through with his whack job mother and her lesbian affairs, his nutso siblings who aren't really his siblings, and his affair with a grown man. Eventually, in the end, the kid (who has grown to nearly college age) realizes that living in a house with no control makes it near impossible to get anywhere. He takes control of his own life and we are left with the knowledge he is going to go to New York and try to make something of himself.
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This is all supposedly a true story although some of the scenarios in it are truly unbelievable to me. Someone needs to verify these events because if that James Frey guy got in all sorts of trouble for saying he didn't take Novocaine during some dental work, then Mr. Burroughs and his unreal characters / situations need to be investigated.
All that being said, the book WAS entertaining and I WOULD read Dry which is the next book talking about the next phase of his messed up life.
I'd recommend Running With Scissors, I just wouldn't call it "funny".
1.05.2012
52 Photo Challenge - A New Year
Along with doing my 52 book challenge (which by the way I am probably going to demolish based on my obsession with reading) I have decided to do the 52 photo challenge. Basically the same idea, 52 photos in 52 weeks. These are photos I take. Of course, these photos have topics made up by some person I don't know that I found online. BUT it is cool because I don't have to know him, I just have to stalk him so I can use his ideas.
Week One: A New Year
My online stranger buddy made this one very ambigous. Basically what a new year means to you. So me, being who I am, decided to choose the below photo:
Week One: A New Year
My online stranger buddy made this one very ambigous. Basically what a new year means to you. So me, being who I am, decided to choose the below photo:
Hm. Now what does this mean? I am going to allow you to interpret it as you will. Please keep in mind if you cannot tell by the small size and poor JPeg quality that this was taken at an abandoned resort. And I am looking backwards ... and you can't see what's ahead of me ... take it as you wish.
12.28.2011
I'm Just Not Normal ...
I have decided (and not in recent times) that I am absolutely not normal.
In fact anything that normal people do or don’t do, I probably do the opposite. The jury is still out on whether or not this is a blessing or a curse.
Take, for instance, my new found fascination with isolated countries.
Yes, you read that correct.
Fascination with isolated countries.
I have actually spent at least three hours reading about North Korea on the internet. How North Koreans eat, how they live, how they are persecuted and of course how they are isolated. I could blame it on the recent death of Kim Jung Il but I would be lying. The truth is, I’m just not normal, so I’m just not interested in normal things.
I am willing to bet if I turn around to my co-workers right now and say “Hey, you know what is pretty interesting, North Korea!” they will look at me like I have five heads. Or maybe they won’t because they are desensitized to my abnormality.
It has gotten that extreme.
People are desensitized.
hat is how not normal I really am.
Okay, so maybe some of you find North Korea fascinating. Allow me to provide for you another example. I am pretty sure that barring any ten year old, I have the most active imagination of any human being alive. I live in an alternate universe. I am imagining all sorts of crazy things at all sorts of crazy times. People wonder why I can’t remember what they say. Here’s the truth, because my imaginary world is far cooler than this one, so I am busy living in it while you are busy talking. I get so wrapped up in my imaginary fog that it actually takes my head a few minutes to readjust to the real world.
Normal? I think not.
But lots of creative people have active imaginations. Consider JK Rowling or Tolkien. They had to be so wrapped up in a fantasy world they couldn’t even differentiate between real and imaginary, so obviously there are other abnormal people who have managed to become successful. I am abnormal and not successful. Maybe that is the real problem.
Besides isolated countries and imaginary worlds, another one of my abnormal preoccupations is death. Not in the morbid sense, more in the curious sense. As in, “what would happen if so and so died” or “what does it feel like to die” or “what would people do if I died”. I have an entire funeral planned for myself and I have made sure other people know precisely what I want. Usually they try to shut me up and tell me not to talk about it but HELLO everyone dies. This is a fact. So it is necessary to think about every once in a while. Or every day. Whatever suits you.
FYI: My funeral guidelines include no one wearing black, Steph having the right to deny entrance to anyone I did not like in life who comes for show to my services, a bad ass honest eulogy (saying something like Liz was totally NOT normal) and some Ryandan song playing at some period of time.
See? I don’t even want my funeral to be normal. And unless you are eighty you probably don’t have funeral requirements. NOT. NORMAL.
I could probably go on for pages on how I am not like a normal person but I don’t want to bore you with an abnormal blog post about myself. If you know me, you know what I’m talking about. If you enjoy my company, you may want to assess your level of normalcy or maybe you like me because your level of normalcy is just right and you like a little dose of crazy. Or maybe you don’t like me. Your loss.
One more thing, if anyone tells me there is no such thing as normal I WILL get angry. There IS a such thing as normal, and it is the opposite of me. The end.
12.25.2011
Happy Birthday Jesus!
Happy Birthday Jesus & Merry Christmas to everyone!
As much as I dislike certain aspects of the Christmas holiday (see below) I always stop to remember WHY Christmas has even become a holiday in the first place. And of course, it leads us to one thing: the birth of Jesus. Which is a pretty darn good thing, at least for us Christians.
Now here's my issue (because I always have an issue). We have these Athiest people out there pitching a fit over the fact that people put up a nativity scene YET still shopping for Christmas gifts, still participating in the season, etc. Do they not see the hypochrisy in this? Christ-mas. CHRIST'S MASS. So how can you become irrationally irate when someone celebrates Jesus's birth and yet be frequenting the local Target for gifts for your kids? Do you not stop to think how this holiday even came to be?
I have NO problem with Athiests or anyone else who has a belief that may oppose my own so please do not get that idea. My major issue is with the fact that they have to get in the face of people who believe in the birth of Jesus. Leave us alone. Seriously. We believe in God, you don't. Okay, fine. I am not going to tell you to do otherwise. But you have to go demeaning the true meaning of our holiday, while at the same time promoting it through commercialization? Does anyone else see an inconsistency here?
Point being, don't celebrate my holiday and then neglect to acknowledge why it is a holiday in the first place. Or worse, get offended at the reason it is a holiday to begin with.
Even if you don't believe Jesus is the son of God or even a real person, recognize and admire what the man stood for. He accepted everyone as they were. He was compassionate toward people who others deemed hopeless. He layed down his life for his friends. I would say these are some admirable character traits. Keep these in mind today and please, don't take the Christ out of Christmas.
As much as I dislike certain aspects of the Christmas holiday (see below) I always stop to remember WHY Christmas has even become a holiday in the first place. And of course, it leads us to one thing: the birth of Jesus. Which is a pretty darn good thing, at least for us Christians.
Now here's my issue (because I always have an issue). We have these Athiest people out there pitching a fit over the fact that people put up a nativity scene YET still shopping for Christmas gifts, still participating in the season, etc. Do they not see the hypochrisy in this? Christ-mas. CHRIST'S MASS. So how can you become irrationally irate when someone celebrates Jesus's birth and yet be frequenting the local Target for gifts for your kids? Do you not stop to think how this holiday even came to be?
I have NO problem with Athiests or anyone else who has a belief that may oppose my own so please do not get that idea. My major issue is with the fact that they have to get in the face of people who believe in the birth of Jesus. Leave us alone. Seriously. We believe in God, you don't. Okay, fine. I am not going to tell you to do otherwise. But you have to go demeaning the true meaning of our holiday, while at the same time promoting it through commercialization? Does anyone else see an inconsistency here?
Point being, don't celebrate my holiday and then neglect to acknowledge why it is a holiday in the first place. Or worse, get offended at the reason it is a holiday to begin with.
Even if you don't believe Jesus is the son of God or even a real person, recognize and admire what the man stood for. He accepted everyone as they were. He was compassionate toward people who others deemed hopeless. He layed down his life for his friends. I would say these are some admirable character traits. Keep these in mind today and please, don't take the Christ out of Christmas.
12.22.2011
Who Gave YOU A License?
Yippee it’s almost five thirty which means I get to leave work! Should be the most exciting part of my day (sad isn’t it) but instead I am dreading the excruciating ride home.
Oh in theory it should take fifteen minutes. In practice it takes at least double that.
Do you know why? Because someone gave YOU a license. And YOU can’t drive.
Allow me to take you through my ride from Fairfield to Milford.
I enter the highway at exit twenty four. There is a short strip of highway where people are both exiting and entering into the slow lane. I try to ease my car over to enter before the lane ends – with a signal, because unlike everyone else it is not too much effort for me to flick a piece of plastic. As I am politely signaling I am guaranteed my first poor driver of the evening who – while in traffic – will not allow me to merge.
Because he is going to get SO far IN TRAFFIC if my car is not in front of him. That must be his rationale. Totally reasonable and very polite. Merry Christmas to you too.
After finally nudging my way onto the interstate I join the mass of stop and go traffic heading northbound. This is expected and fine and okay until I pick up fool number two. This is one of my favorite types of poor drivers. The tailgater. Once again, may I remind you, I am in traffic. And the fool is ten inches from my bumper.
Now why, pray tell, does this person think it is appropriate or advantageous to drive centimeters from my bumper with his aggressive lights blaring in my mirrors in TRAFFIC? We are NOT GOING ANYWHERE. No matter how close you are to my car, there are two hundred thousand more cars in front of mine. There is no conceivable way to go faster.
To add insult to injury, remember this is stop and go traffic, so I am going and then stopping. Gas, then brake. So as you tailgate me, you fool, you are pretty much risking rear ending me every time I hit the brake. And if you dare rear end me I will come out of that car like a puma and be all over you. Trust me, after a day at work, I am just looking for it. So get off my butt.
Proceed down the highway and reach exit twenty seven (tailgater is still present, I am still in the slow lane). Exit twenty seven, in case you do not know, is the entrance to Route 8 which heads to the valley. There is a fourth lane at this point that forms so people can all line up in there like nice little boys and girls and get on the entrance ramp.
But do you really think this happens? Um no.
Rather, fool number three in front of me will suddenly realize feet from passing the exit that OMGZ I HAVE TO GET TO ROUTE 8. Insert brake slam here. On a hill. On an interstate. Coming to a dead stop, with fool number two - the tailgater - still on my bumper. Luckily my reaction time is quick enough that I avoid a three car pileup. Luckily fool number two is also paying attention. Fool number three remains a road hazard, dead stopped in the middle of the interstate until they can bully their way into the line that everyone else had waited patiently in. Fool number two has since cut into the center lane aggressively in front of another innocent driver and is off to risk a rear end with someone else.
Phew, I am home free till Milford. Oh how optimistic …
I continue to travel down the interstate until I meet up with the inevitable fool number four. The compulsive braker. No, there is nothing in front of him. No, there is no other car braking. No, I am not tailgating. No, there is no good reason why every five seconds he is hitting his brakes. Besides to irritate me and make me think the first five times that there must be a hazard ahead. At about time six I figure out it is just another fool and either aggressively honk my horn with the frustration of it all or change lanes. It depends what kind of day I’ve had.
By now I am in the construction zone between Stratford and Milford. The road is admittedly bumpy, which apparently makes it okay for fool number five to drive half in my lane and half in his. I’m guessing that a bumpy road makes it permissible to ignore the lines that are painted on it. I didn’t learn that in driving school but I guess fool number five did so I’ll just have to go with it and drive ten miles per hour slower than him since there is no safe way to pass until the road gets smooth again.
At last we have reached Milford, which looks like Mecca at this point. I am anticipating my couch, my hot tub, my boyfriend and BOOM. Dead stop. And this time I mean DEAD.
Guess why?
Fool number six has decided to drive over eighty and flipped his car which now lies across at least two lanes. So all of us who actually deserve the privilege of driving have to wait in the mess fool six has created and endure another twenty minutes (at least) of day dreaming (by now night dreaming) about home.
Unless of course, we get onto the Post Road …
So I do. Because I am impatient and I would rather be moving then stopped. I am not sure who put the idea in my head that if I got on the Post Road I would move. It is a parking lot. Thanks fool number six, thanks a whole lot.
I put up with the poorly timed lights, I put up with the slow speed of travel, and I am ALMOST home, one left turn and I’m on my street and BOOM fool number seven. Lucky seven. Yes, he is stopped waiting at a light clearly blocking my street. Yes, he could have stopped further back since there is a lane of TRAVEL he is BLOCKING. And by now I haven’t a shred of patience left. So I honk my horn. And fool number seven has the AUDACITY to get angry at me. Right as it is about to be war, the light turns green and I decide I would rather be home than dealing with a fool.
Finally I am safe in my driveway … and then the kids up the street fly by in their rally cars …
Oh Jeez … Here we go again
Oh in theory it should take fifteen minutes. In practice it takes at least double that.
Do you know why? Because someone gave YOU a license. And YOU can’t drive.
Allow me to take you through my ride from Fairfield to Milford.
I enter the highway at exit twenty four. There is a short strip of highway where people are both exiting and entering into the slow lane. I try to ease my car over to enter before the lane ends – with a signal, because unlike everyone else it is not too much effort for me to flick a piece of plastic. As I am politely signaling I am guaranteed my first poor driver of the evening who – while in traffic – will not allow me to merge.
Because he is going to get SO far IN TRAFFIC if my car is not in front of him. That must be his rationale. Totally reasonable and very polite. Merry Christmas to you too.
After finally nudging my way onto the interstate I join the mass of stop and go traffic heading northbound. This is expected and fine and okay until I pick up fool number two. This is one of my favorite types of poor drivers. The tailgater. Once again, may I remind you, I am in traffic. And the fool is ten inches from my bumper.
Now why, pray tell, does this person think it is appropriate or advantageous to drive centimeters from my bumper with his aggressive lights blaring in my mirrors in TRAFFIC? We are NOT GOING ANYWHERE. No matter how close you are to my car, there are two hundred thousand more cars in front of mine. There is no conceivable way to go faster.
To add insult to injury, remember this is stop and go traffic, so I am going and then stopping. Gas, then brake. So as you tailgate me, you fool, you are pretty much risking rear ending me every time I hit the brake. And if you dare rear end me I will come out of that car like a puma and be all over you. Trust me, after a day at work, I am just looking for it. So get off my butt.
Proceed down the highway and reach exit twenty seven (tailgater is still present, I am still in the slow lane). Exit twenty seven, in case you do not know, is the entrance to Route 8 which heads to the valley. There is a fourth lane at this point that forms so people can all line up in there like nice little boys and girls and get on the entrance ramp.
But do you really think this happens? Um no.
Rather, fool number three in front of me will suddenly realize feet from passing the exit that OMGZ I HAVE TO GET TO ROUTE 8. Insert brake slam here. On a hill. On an interstate. Coming to a dead stop, with fool number two - the tailgater - still on my bumper. Luckily my reaction time is quick enough that I avoid a three car pileup. Luckily fool number two is also paying attention. Fool number three remains a road hazard, dead stopped in the middle of the interstate until they can bully their way into the line that everyone else had waited patiently in. Fool number two has since cut into the center lane aggressively in front of another innocent driver and is off to risk a rear end with someone else.
Phew, I am home free till Milford. Oh how optimistic …
I continue to travel down the interstate until I meet up with the inevitable fool number four. The compulsive braker. No, there is nothing in front of him. No, there is no other car braking. No, I am not tailgating. No, there is no good reason why every five seconds he is hitting his brakes. Besides to irritate me and make me think the first five times that there must be a hazard ahead. At about time six I figure out it is just another fool and either aggressively honk my horn with the frustration of it all or change lanes. It depends what kind of day I’ve had.
By now I am in the construction zone between Stratford and Milford. The road is admittedly bumpy, which apparently makes it okay for fool number five to drive half in my lane and half in his. I’m guessing that a bumpy road makes it permissible to ignore the lines that are painted on it. I didn’t learn that in driving school but I guess fool number five did so I’ll just have to go with it and drive ten miles per hour slower than him since there is no safe way to pass until the road gets smooth again.
At last we have reached Milford, which looks like Mecca at this point. I am anticipating my couch, my hot tub, my boyfriend and BOOM. Dead stop. And this time I mean DEAD.
Guess why?
Fool number six has decided to drive over eighty and flipped his car which now lies across at least two lanes. So all of us who actually deserve the privilege of driving have to wait in the mess fool six has created and endure another twenty minutes (at least) of day dreaming (by now night dreaming) about home.
Unless of course, we get onto the Post Road …
So I do. Because I am impatient and I would rather be moving then stopped. I am not sure who put the idea in my head that if I got on the Post Road I would move. It is a parking lot. Thanks fool number six, thanks a whole lot.
I put up with the poorly timed lights, I put up with the slow speed of travel, and I am ALMOST home, one left turn and I’m on my street and BOOM fool number seven. Lucky seven. Yes, he is stopped waiting at a light clearly blocking my street. Yes, he could have stopped further back since there is a lane of TRAVEL he is BLOCKING. And by now I haven’t a shred of patience left. So I honk my horn. And fool number seven has the AUDACITY to get angry at me. Right as it is about to be war, the light turns green and I decide I would rather be home than dealing with a fool.
Finally I am safe in my driveway … and then the kids up the street fly by in their rally cars …
Oh Jeez … Here we go again
12.21.2011
Tis the Season
Gosh I wish I was young again. Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a cynic. But now, properly jaded at the ripe old age of twenty five, I sincerely dread the holiday of Christmas.
Here are the reasons that Christmas has ceased to be cool:
1. Human beings … EVERYWHERE.
First, last night I went to drive home at the end of my long and tedious work day.
A commute which should take about twenty minutes took forty five.
I had to travel miles out of my way through roads I didn’t even know existed to get home.
Do you know why?
Because of HOLIDAY traffic.
Because some people are lucky enough to have this week off or just not work at all and have to sit their lazy asses in front of my car. Or they are buying into the rampant commercialism of the season. Or they just don’t know how to drive.
In any case, get the hell out of my way. I just want to go home and isolate.
Then, the night prior (mind you, it was a MONDAY night) I made the utterly ignorant mistake of gracing the doorway of a mall. Not only was it Monday but it was NINE PM. I thought I was safe. Guess again. Everyone and their short bus riding mother was jam packed in that hell hole. Oh and that was AFTER getting in an argument with the inept employees at Lowes who didn’t know how to process a return. Joy to the world and looking forward to tonight.
2. The concept of gifts.
There are so many reasons I hate this concept. Let’s start at the first.
I don’t know what to get people.
Ever.
I could be your twin separated at birth and I still won’t know what to get you. I am an absolute clueless gift giver. Surprising people is pretty much out of the question because I am either too insecure about my gifts to think outside of the box or I have too little of a memory to remember something you may have mentioned in the past. When it comes down to it, I just SUCK at giving gifts.
Second, it costs a crap load of money which could be put to better use.
Now don’t get me wrong, I will spend thousands on someone I love and not think twice about it (well that was a lie but you know … usually price isn’t a factor unless we are talking a Lexus). However, I find there could be much better uses of both my and your money such as saving for a vacation (or for that Lexus). I guess I am just a natural born saver (thanks Dad!). While I should be so happy about giving and receiving gifts all I am worried about is how not only my credit card statement is looking but how yours is going to look as well.
Oh, you shouldn’t have … really. I mean it.
3. Christmas music.
It SUCKS.
All of it.
It is overdone, same thing over and over, every single year. How many times do I have to listen to bells jingling, Santa on your roof and commercialism put to music? And those stations that play Christmas music for like thirty days? What in GOD’S name (literally - in the baby JESUS’S name) are you thinking? I do believe we could torture the terrorists into admitting every transgression just by making them listen to Star 99 nonstop every day from Thanksgiving to Christmas.
Christmas music does not cheer me up. It makes me angry. It annoys me. It especially annoys me when I am sitting in traffic trying to get to the mall to buy gifts and it is playing on every station (please refer back to 1&2). Don’t worry; I promptly change the station to hip hop. Ah, cash and hoes, now that’s more like it!
4. Forced social situations.
Thankfully this year there are less than normal because I try to avoid any party situation if possible. Plus my place of employment didn’t have a Christmas get together (no comment). However, any time of the year is a horrible time of the year for a forced social situation. It just seems they happen more frequently during the holiday season. Somehow people come up with the brilliant idea that we all need to gather, sit around, eat, gain weight and tell bullshit lies about how great our lives are in order to get in the holiday spirit. Well guess what? Everything isn’t always hunky dory here, but congrats on your AWESOME life. Now I will proceed to avoid you until this time next year.
5. The weather.
OMGZ I hope it is a white Christmas!!!
Well guess what? I DON’T.
Do you know why?
Because I HATE snow.
I HATE precipitation.
I HATE that I live in a place with four seasons and I especially HATE all of you who get like a fiend that just took a hit of crack when you see snow in the forecast.
The weather this time of year sucks. It is dark, cold and miserable.
Kinda like I am.
6. The advertisements.
One more “every kiss begins with k” ad and I may vomit. Let’s blissfully ice skate around a picturesque pond punctuated by the miserable snow (see above). But we are so pleasantly happy and do you know why? Because we are in love. And we are getting married. Just like the rest of the known universe. Congrat-u-fucking-lations.
Or how about that Folger’s one where the brother comes home? “You are my present this year” - direct quote from this vomit inducing piece of propaganda. He says something about Africa and based on that I assume he was on one of those saving the world missions because duh, he is perfect, just like their coffee.
Then we come to the booze commercials followed by the anti-DUI commercials. Mixed messages much?
Let’s start with if you drink Bailey’s you will have an awesome time, followed by hooking up with someone you shouldn’t have, starting an inappropriate fight and getting in the car to head home. Except for watch out! The cops are in full force (insert stern warning here) and there is NOTHING that ruins the holidays more than a dead carcass on the road. So they are going to bust your ass, or you are going to kill someone and ruin this Christmas and every Christmas to follow for their family.
Good times Bailey’s, good times. Please drink responsibly (oxymoron).
Disclaimer: NONE of these commercials make me want anything to do with these companies and I could probably go on about ten more possibly making a post dedicated to ads … something to think about.
7. The TV Specials
This should probably fall under the songs because it is along the same lines. Ridiculously sappy, overdone plot line, boring and tedious. This would be fine if they segregated these atrocities to one channel that I could choose not to watch. Yet they have to spread them liberally over normally decent stations that broadcast normally decent programming. When I want to watch a Dateline about a crazed husband killing his wife, I am NOT going to sub it out with a Christmas movie a second grader could have written. Thanks but no thanks.
One exception: It’s a Wonderful Life, because it is a classic and has a good message.
So thank you readers for listening to my list of things that make Christmas uncool. I’m sure there are about twenty I am missing because pretty much everything besides the decorations, the food, the people you choose to spend time with and the birth of Jesus sucks. Feel free to add if you can’t stand another facet of Christmas that I have neglected to touch upon
Maybe when I have kids (IF I have kids) I will once more find magic in Christmas.
But until then, BAH HUMBUG.
12.20.2011
The Official Bucket List (since the world is ending)
It has been quite some time since I have posted on the old blog but I have decided to resume for as long as my attention span holds out which will most likely be about a month. Probably not even.
It is almost the new year and the world is going to end in 2012 so I am totally looking forward to it. Most people look at me strangely when I say that. Most people look at me strangely period. But for the few that understand (aka Stephanie) the end of the world - barring it not being painful - should be pretty damn exciting.
BUT before the world ends there are a few things I want to do. So I better figure out how to fit them in before the whole thing falls apart.
Mission 1: Go into, tour and experience the full essence of a Stage 4 hoarder's home.
I hope it looks at least a little something like what you see above. It can always look worse, that is absoluely no problem. Of course because I have a severe aversion to bad odors I am going to require a mask for this adventure. Trust me, it wil be worth it.
Mission 2: Go to Pripyat and take pictures, tons and tons of pictures, wherever I want.
See? Look how cool it looks. Oh, and I don't care if there is nuclear fall out or you will get arrested by the Ukrainian police for trespassing or it not being possible unless you are a National Geographic photographer. This is MY bucket list and the world is going to end anyway so who cares about a little exposure?
Mission 3: Take a hiking tour of Laos.
Yes, they are next Vietnam. No, I don't care. It is still a beautiful country and very inexpensive to travel to. Plus I am curious. I mean honestly, how many people do YOU know that have been to Laos? That's what I thought ... NONE.
Mission 4: Eat Baked Alaska
First, let me say this is the only one that is slightly realistic and actually has the chance of happening to me before the world ends. Second, I must be honest and say I obtained the obsession with baked alaska through a credit card commercial. I didn't want to get the credit card but I sure as hell wanted to get the dessert.
Mission 5: Jump on a bed full of money.
It probably won't be mine. If it is, it will be ones
I am getting tired ... more to come I'm sure but for now, here are the first five that need to get done within the next three hundred and sixty five days. Anyone who wants to lend a hand feel free.
It is almost the new year and the world is going to end in 2012 so I am totally looking forward to it. Most people look at me strangely when I say that. Most people look at me strangely period. But for the few that understand (aka Stephanie) the end of the world - barring it not being painful - should be pretty damn exciting.
BUT before the world ends there are a few things I want to do. So I better figure out how to fit them in before the whole thing falls apart.
Mission 1: Go into, tour and experience the full essence of a Stage 4 hoarder's home.
Mission 2: Go to Pripyat and take pictures, tons and tons of pictures, wherever I want.
Mission 3: Take a hiking tour of Laos.
Mission 4: Eat Baked Alaska
First, let me say this is the only one that is slightly realistic and actually has the chance of happening to me before the world ends. Second, I must be honest and say I obtained the obsession with baked alaska through a credit card commercial. I didn't want to get the credit card but I sure as hell wanted to get the dessert.
Mission 5: Jump on a bed full of money.
I am getting tired ... more to come I'm sure but for now, here are the first five that need to get done within the next three hundred and sixty five days. Anyone who wants to lend a hand feel free.
10.09.2010
AWESOMELY Funny Websites (Feel Free to Suggest Additional)
When I'm feeling down, there is nothing better than an awesomely funny website to cheer me up : ) Unless of course I am getting laid ... then there IS something better. But anyway, here for you is a brief collection of a few of my favorite funny spots on the net.
You may find them rude, crude and all together inappropriate. I hope you do, for that is the reason that they so entertain me. If you don't like them, don't complain to me. I didn't make them, I just shared them.
Check them out for yourself or suggest to me additional. I can always use an extra laugh.
1. Failblog.org
2. Peopleofwalmart.com
3.Uglydress.com
4. Textsfromlastnight.com
Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
6. Someecards.com
You may find them rude, crude and all together inappropriate. I hope you do, for that is the reason that they so entertain me. If you don't like them, don't complain to me. I didn't make them, I just shared them.
Check them out for yourself or suggest to me additional. I can always use an extra laugh.
1. Failblog.org
2. Peopleofwalmart.com
(519): he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
5. Fmylife.comToday, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
6. Someecards.com
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